Madoka's Problems
by Charles Oberonn
Summary: on a quiet saturday morning, Madoka goes to hide at Sayaka's place for her life. And Sayaka put aside her own problems for a second to hear of how Madoka got into the mess that lead her there. Yuri and Confusing Flashbacks
1. Part 1

**I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica or any of its characters.**

* * *

><p><span>Madoka's Problems <span>

**Part 1**

"What seems to be the problem now, Madoka?" the blue haired friend looked quite messy with bits of hair pulling out of her haircut.

"My full tummy is." Madoka replied while not so happily rubbing her belly.

Sayaka tried to seem confused, which she technically was, but vague sentences really didn't catch her attention that much, especially today, when she had a fight with Kyouko, her sort of lover-romantic-friend-significant-other-person-thingy (though none of them would have admitted it).

"Your full tummy is why you're hiding in my house from… what **are** you hiding from?" Sayaka asked and brushed her hair slightly.

Madoka swallowed her saliva a bit and pointed out the window with a trembling hand.

**~~X~~**

Sayaka looked outside window, where she saw the thing that apparently was after Madoka.

It was horribly yellow and white with pigtails at the sides of his almost human head, and two abnormally big growths sticking out of its chest. Despite its mighty growths being able to take over the minds of most men and some women, the thing seemed to need three rifles as well to hunt down Madoka. And it seemed pissed, screaming Madoka's name full of rage in front of Sayaka's window at the fourth floor of her building.

**~~X~~**

"Why is Mami angry at you?" Sayaka asked a little more interested.

"Because I ate her cake." Madoka looked down and sat on Sayaka's bed.

"Her cheese cake? Because she usually doesn't get that angry about it, she can always buy another one."

"No, no that one." Madoka's face reddened, she looked at the window, but was too afraid to walk in front of it. In fact, she got a little bit away from it in fear of getting shot precisely in her forehead.

"Her homemade blueberry cake? Because I can see why she would get a bit mad about it, she made Kyouko wear the maid outfit and clean the house this one time when she ate it before all the guests arrived." Sayaka blushed from remembering Kyouko's outfit when she walked into Mami's house that time, it was better than any blueberry cake.

"No." was only Madoka could say.

"Well, I can't think of any other cake, unless…" Sayaka looked up, "No, you could've done that." She giggled to her own crazy idea, "You didn't." she said more seriously and more interested, "did you?"

This time Madoka couldn't say anything.

"You don't mean her Puella Magi cake?" Sayaka looked at her friend with awe.

Madoka nodded, fear flowing her.

"Her Puella Magi, 20000 Yen, 48 hours to make, can't-stop-once-you've-started cake?" Sayaka drooled a bit from remembering the time when Mami made her this cake to congratulate her for becoming a Magical Girl.

"You forgot especially made for each Magical Girl and requires to wake up at night to bake it. But yes, that one." Madoka said with a trembling voice, she seemed like she truly fears for her life.

**~~X~~**

"I don't get it, if she even made the cake it means someone has become a Magical Girl, and you're the only one left, or **were **the only one left." Sayaka tried to pour some logic.

"I still **am **the only one left." Madoka regretted the truth in her sentence, she really wished she was lying.

"So, you are _not _a Magical Girl?"

"Yes."

"But Mami still baked you a cake?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I was speaking of becoming a Magical Girl, but never got to it, and somehow Mami knew about it and gave me a call telling me she started making the cake."

"How did she know?"

"I don't know!" Madoka cried out.

"Kyuuby!" Sayaka whispered and clenched her fist in contempt.

"Maybe…" Madoka said, still worried.

"You should have just made a contract and made sure Mami would never know you haven't made one before." Sayaka suggested

"I did try to make one." Madoka said.

"Tried?" Sayaka was confused again.

"There were complications."

"What complications?"

"Guess,"

"The transfer student!" Sayaka clenched her other fist.

"Exactly."

**~~X~~**

**49 Hours Earlier**

"Please Madoka, let me try again." Homura said in her monotone voice while walking along side Madoka on the street.

"No, Homura-Chan, I don't want to." Madoka said.

"I won't bite your tongue, I promise."

"I can't trust you."

"You know I bit it only because you resisted."

"You came up on me with a knife!"

"I would have used the knife if you hadn't resisted as much."

"You should have asked first."

"Would you let me if I ask now?"

"No, Homura, we'll never do that again."

"Please, let me try, you'll enjoy it!"

"Never ever again I'm buying us beef tongues for breakfast."

Homura looked down. She was a bit surprised to hear a phone ring, it was Madoka's.

"Moshi-Moshi, Mami-san." Madoka said as she picked it up.

"Hi - I'm fine - Homura is with me - what is it? - you did? - did it cost you a lot? - 20000, huh? - you really shouldn't have - well, if you insist - I can help with that - well, what if I don't like surprises? - that's okay, I can wait two days for my cake - I'll show you my powers once I eat it. - goodbye."

Madoka seemed really nervous once she hung up the call.

_"It seems you have approximately 48 hours to make a contract with me before Tomoe will get angry at you, she is a very skilled Magical Girl." _She heard Kyuuby telepathically warning her.

"Hey, Homura-Chan," Madoka looked at her (maybe more than) friend.

"Yes, Madoka?" Homura looked at her back, she slightly smiled.

"Is there any chance, hypothetically speaking of course, that if some extreme conditions would rise, conditions of… for example: life or death…" Madoka paused.

"Yes…?"

"Is there any chance you'll let me become a Magical Girl?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Not a chance on Earth."

"How about the moon?"

"Even on the Incubators' planet, No."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"I'll buy you beef tongue."

"Still no."

"I'll kiss you."

Homura stopped in the middle of walking, she blushed heavily, considered matters very seriously, but in the end.

"No." she said with some regrets.

Madoka narrowed her eyes and looked back at her long black haired (maybe not anymore) friend.

_"It is on." _She thought.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review this, it gives me motivation to continue.<strong>


	2. Part 2

**I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica or any of its characters.**

**This Fic is a lot easier to write than I thought, almost every idea came about in the shower.**

**Also: Rating changed to T.**

Madoka's Problems

**Part 2**

**~~The Present~~**

A certain red headed girl walked in on the scene to Sayaka's house, humming to herself the song she spent all of the last 23 hour writing and practicing. Under the shade of the apartment building she stood next to so many times, but never having the guts to get in.

She looked up to the fourth floor where she could swear she saw the beautiful blue color of either Sayaka's hair or a dead army of slugs.

Kyouko could remember the first time she was here, in this place almost as important as her father's church.

It was a stormy day and she was there going to the door her hand reaching in to open it, and then reaching out to create the secret signal for her drug dealer to come out of his hideout.

Kyouko wished she could remember the second time she was here, with Sayaka, but it was all a big blur.

But right now she was completely sober thanks to Sayaka's endless nagging (which probably started at that second time) and she was ready to sing. The song wasn't **for **Sayaka, it just happened to be sang next to Sayaka's house, and played on a violin, and about mermaids. Totally a coincidence.

Kyouko sat at the spot which happened to be in front of Sayaka's windows and began to tune in her violin slowly, checking its sound quality.

"Damn you, Kamijou, why do you tune your violin to such a high key? who are you? Justin Bie- OMG what is that?" she stopped her rant and looked the most horrifying thing in her life.

It appeared as two witches were standing out in the open, without any barrier. She heard that Walpurgis didn't had to use a barrier, but she didn't expect there will come so soon, and that'll be two of them, and so big!

She looked away from it, then the double Walpurgis screamed into the sky, it was horrible, and probably disturbed the peace and quiet of most people who wanted to sleep on a Saturday morning.

It almost sounded like the double witch screamed a name.

"Madoka!"

Then the witch turned around.

"What are you doing here, Kyouko?" she asked.

**~~X~~**

"Oh, it's just you, Mami." Kyouko sighed.

"It is." Mami replied and let down her rifles.

"So, what **are **you doing here, Kyouko?" Mami asked.

"Nothing, just hanging around, with a stolen violin, is it that wrong?"

"Yeah, a little bit." Mami looked up to Sayaka's room with hate, Kyouko didn't like that.

"But I guess that's ok, I'm currently trying to murder Madoka."

"That explains why she asked my help yesterday."

"Nice violin, is it for Sayaka?" Mami seemed a lot angry than a second ago, but she was putting it on hold, there were plenty of rage a_head__**.**_

Kyouko blushed, "No, I'm just performing a song on this guy's stupid violin to piss her off."

"Is it because you had a fight?"

"We're always fighting."

"Yeah, but that's just your way of flirting with each other."

"No it's not."

"Well I guess couples don't usually try to kill each other every night."

"See?"

"But this must be an analogy to some other couple thing."

"Hey!"

"I guess this will be 0.5th base, then."

"Are you even listening?"

"It can't be first base because you already went first base in the church."

Kyouko was silent, she blushed heavily, Cursing Mami.

"And in her house! And in Akemi's house, and in my house! Oh also on the school's roo-"

"That's enough!"

"And Kyuuby told me you kissed in at least three witch barriers."

"The song is not for Sayaka!" Kyouko, face as red as her hair, was wheezing in embarrassment.

"I think it's cute you're trying to sing her a serenade to make up."

"I'm not- never mind." Kyouko turned her back and returned to tuning up the violin. Ignoring Mami.

"I hope it's not because of Kamijou-Kun or familiars or something like that." Mami kept on talking.

Kyouko kept on ignoring, but the subject of her totally-not-breakup with Sayaka made her sad.

"That's a total KyouSaya/Sayauko cliché."

"We have clichés?" Kyouko turned around interested.

"I mean…" the red head corrected herself, "Don't pair me with this idiot, whatever her clichés are, I don't care."

"Oh well, I'm sure then you're not interested in the love triangle cliché either."

Kyouko ignored again, in was hard.

"It includes you… and Sayaka."

"And?" Kyouko couldn't resist the temptation to ask.

"Kyu-"

"I will win any competition over Sayaka's heart! I will smash whatever pathetic triangle will be in my way and-"

"By."

"And will… wait. Kyuuby?"

"Just wanted to check if you're listening."

**~~X~~**

"By the way, why did you bring the violin for the serenade?"

"There is no serenade."

"Okay."

Kyouko blushed.

"Well, I spent hours on writing it for the Church Organ."

"The one you two made out on?"

"No!" Kyouko denied.

"I call it Octavia Von Seckendorff." Kyouko continued. Above, in her room, while playing cards with Madoka, Sayaka cringed badly.

Back down, Kyouko continued.

"I then realized that I can't play it on the organ, so I imported it to the violin."

"Why?"

"Because a violin would be easy to get from that Kamijou dude."

"No, why couldn't you play it on the kissing church organ?"

"Because there's no way Sayaka would be tricked all the way to my dad's church to hear my song, so I found- something- mobile…" the last three words were spoken slowly when Kyouko realized her slip of the tongue, she blushed heavily and sighed.

"Never mind…"

Mami smiled. She looked back up, brought her rifles up, and rage went a_head _and returned back to her expression.

**~~X~~**

**43 Hour before Madoka Ate the Cake**

At school, Madoka was still very anxious to make a contract with Kyuuby and save her life from utter destruction by Mami.

And she was tired from narrowing her eyes at Homura, every time she failed (Kyuuby, on the meantime, was tired of dying)

At math, Madoka looked at Homura and narrowed her eyes, as a mysterious white material was spread on the black haired girl desk.

"Madoka, are you having troubles seeing the board?" Kazuko, the teacher, mistaken her eye narrowing to an attempt of focusing her vision.

"No, I'm fine, teacher."

"You know, the best way to cure bad eye sight is a kiss of a loved one." Kazuko cougarly advised her.

"She's right, Madoka." Homura agreed, and licked her lips (on stopped time, of course)

**~~X~~**

On lunch, Homura was eating a mysterious white dish that used to grant wishes.

Madoka narrowed her eyes at her.

**~~X~~**

On the school's roof, where red and blue hairs were caught in the metal fence from some reason, Homura was heaving a duck hunt on some mysterious white duck with two long wings.

Madoka narrowed her eyes.

**~~X~~**

When Madoka and Homura paired in anatomy together, they were given a mysterious white animal to dissect, Madoka narrowed her eyes.

When they had indoor swimming class, one of the girl had a white and red swimming cap, Madoka narrowed her eyes.

When they went to the infirmary for Homura's convenient injury by the bite of some unknown creature (some may even call him mysterious) who was dead now, Madoka narrowed her eyes.

And when Homura stalked her to the toilet with a new white keychain attached to her camera, Madoka narrowed her eyes, and closed her legs.

**~~X~~**

Eventually Madoka got stuck on a narrowed state, making her look like she's suspecting everything. And ironically, that made look suspicious as well.

"Homura, I'm stuck on narrowing, this is an emergency, I have to wish it away!" she said to her friend as they exited the school building.

"No you don't." Homura said, and pulled a gun on her.

She screamed in fear, her eyes widened in terror.

"Duck." Homura said as cool as she could, Madoka ducked and a creepy shot was heard above her, making her eyes even wider.

Madoka looked back and saw a dead Kyuuby. "I just saved you." Homura said as cool as she could, but it wasn't as good.

"But now my eyes are stuck on wide open!" Madoka realized.

"That's ok, because now I can see your beautiful pink eyes clearly." Homura leaned in to kiss Madoka.

"I think I'll go search for Kyouko, she'll help me." Madoka said and walked off the scene.

Homura looked disappointed.

She took out a picture of Madoka in the toilet from her shield and a plate of cow tongue.

**~~X~~**

"Ahh! Take it off! Take it off!" Madoka eventually found something that cured her wide-eye problem. In fact, it made her close her eyes in terror and disgust.

"You expect me to help you when you act like that?" Kyouko asked rhetorically and a bit angry.

"Besides, I don't look that bad in Sayaka's dress." She said.

"Am I?"

* * *

><p><strong>Please review this, it gives me motivation to continue.<strong>


	3. Part 3

**I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica or any of its characters.**

**Disclaimer: I originally wanted to put here a rant about how much I don't like this chapter, but I have something much better to write instead.**

**NewType magazine will anounce in its December issue about a Puella Magi Madoka Magica theatrical movie. More details will be revealed when the issue actually comes out, but to the issue's cover show a picture of Homura and Madoka in their Episode 12 outfit.**

** I can't put link here but just go to the link on the front page of Puella Magi Wiki.  
><strong>

Madoka's Problems

**Part 3**

**~~The Present~~**

Madoka's current problem, besides the threat for her life from the yellow haired girl outside Sayaka's window, and Sayaka's temptation to open the door for the red headed girl with her, was that she was losing at a card game.

But not just any card game, a special new age card game for cool and heap people like Madoka (Her computer is so heap, there are no buttons! ).

It was a game called Color Code, the rules was pretty simple. The players had to create pairs of cards from the deck to earn points. Not so high-tech so far. But the thing is, between the players sat a touchscreen, the touch screen was loaded with the Color Code app, in order to draw cards, the players had to roll a virtual dice and then play a random minigame on the touchscreen.

Right now, for example, Sayaka was playing a short version of Tetris to win the right to draw 3 additional cards.

On the blue haired girl's board there were already three different pairs and another special card to double the points of her next one (It's like a double date for your cards!).

And now with the Tetris winning, she finally had the card for the pair she wanted.

"Another pair." Sayaka said, but she wasn't sure of the cards she was playing. And for some reason she blushed before putting it on the field of play.

"What is it?" Madoka asked when Sayaka kept her cards pressed to her chest, not showing them.

"Never mind, I don't have anything." Sayaka said.

"Are you embarrassed to show them?"

"Why would I be embarrassed? I just don't have anything." Sayaka glared at her friend, but she still blushed.

"They're just cards, nothing to be embarrassed about, Sayaka."

"I'm not embarrassed; I just don't have any pairs. I'm not the one to make a fuss about objects like you do."

"Hey, I don't either."

"What about the Puella Costume you wanted to have so bad? You cried for an hour you found out the outfit you wanted is too revealing for a fourteen years old." Sayaka said, "You slut." She added quietly.

"That's doesn't count, it's really important."

"You spent 48 hours trying to avoid Homura and make a contract just so you could eat a cake."

"It's not the cake, it's my life!"

"Please… Mami won't do anything serious to you."

"Well check for yourself."

"I will." Sayaka said and walked to the window.

"No, show me the cards before you get shot in the head!" Madoka pleaded.

"Oh come on, Madoka."

"Fine, just don't flirt with Kyouko too long."

"Shut up!"

**~~X~~**

Sayaka did felt a bit afraid when opening the window already marked in some bullet holes, though they didn't break the window. Sayaka installed a new bullet proof window after the first one broke when another gun totting maniac tried to reach her room, incidentally, both then and now it was because of Madoka.

But that's prequel material.

Right now, Sayaka watched outside the window to see the walkway to her building in a beautiful late morning light in season to the early winter of the early day of the week (A few other things were early for Sayaka, but for that she have the doctors to worry about).

She opened it, but instead of the sound expected of an early morning wintery etc. she heard the sound of an angry scream of Madoka's name.

"Hello, Mami-san!" she closed her eyes and smiled an awkward smile.

"Oh how are you, Miki-san?" Mami didn't lower her rifles, she just smiled a bit at Sayaka.

"I'm fine." Sayaka said, she noticed a violin was outside trying to escape with her Kyouko. Or the opposite.

"Oh, you're here too, Kyouko." Sayaka said in an empty tone, a fake one of course. Her life can't be empty with Kyouko around. She still blushed.

Kyouko gave up on running and stood still.

"How are you, Sayaka?" she said with her normal tone, a fake one, because her day can't be normal with Sayaka in it. She blushed as well.

"Not good, Madoka is hiding in my place for no real reason."

"It is real, Sayaka-Chan, she's about to murder me!" Madoka said while hiding as far away from the window as possible.

"Tell her not to be worried!" Mami shouted happily above to Sayaka's face.

"She's says not to be worried, Madoka." Sayaka paid the massage forward.

"She's not angry?" Madoka asked frightfully.

"Are you angry, Mami-san?" Sayaka paid forward again.

"Of course I am. But I guess the rifles were a bit too much." Mami replied.

"Hey. Sayaka, I'm here too!" Kyouko lifted the violin high, now that Sayaka ignored her, she wanted the blue girl's attention again.

It was hard, but Sayaka ignored her, she remembered she was supposed to hate her generally and be mad at her now.

The first wasn't relevant to them, the first a little. Just like the world wars.

"So Mami, the reason you're angry is because she ate your cake?"

"Yes."

"And you want to punish her in some way."

"I do." Mami said in an unfittingly relaxed manner.

"Do you think maybe shooting her is a little too much?" Sayaka suggested.

"Well, I guess so, it's just a cake." She said in a relaxed manner, a fake one of course. Her life can't be relaxed without her cake in it. She blushed, in anger.

"How about Madoka pay you?" Sayaka suggested. Her vision kept slipping towards Kyouko who tried getting her attention in all kinds of violin tricks.

"Sayaka, I don't have 20000 to give her!"

"Hold on, she doesn't have-"

"I heard her." Mami interrupted Sayaka's paying forward.

"And it doesn't matter, I paid for this cake in time and sweat more than I paid on it with money." She added.

"What do you suggest, then?" Sayaka asked, her eyes turning again to a now jacketless Kyouko. Both the lovers-in-denial blushed.

"I suggest having an equivalent in payment." Mami said very rationally.

"Since she ate something I worked hard on for a long period of time," Mami took a big breath before she continued.

"I will eat something her parents worked for a long time too!" she yelled.

There was a long pause, the kind usually accompanied by a sad musical score composed by Yuki Kajiura.

"You plan to eat her?" Kyouko asked quietly.

"What? Of course not!" Mami said. Everyone sighed in relief, especially Madoka.

"I don't eat girls after I already had a cheese cake in the same day! It's too much milk for one day. I'm gonna eat her brother."

There was another long pause, the kind of pauses that usually fades to black and then Magia by Kalfania starts to play.

But not this time, this one only had Madoka's screams of fear and "Tatsuya! Lock the doors!"

"That's disgusting." Sayaka, surprised and shocked, whispered, barely heard down where Mami were.

"Agreed." Kyouko added in disgust.

"And it doesn't make sense." Sayaka surprised even herself, she preferred to think of other things rather than logic in a matter like this, like Kyouko's fluffy hair. But she kept on.

"Madoka's parents didn't eat the cake, so nothing out of Madoka's parents creations should be the one going to get eaten by you in the equivalent."

"You're right!" Mami said and lowered her guns.

"See." Sayaka smiled awkwardly, Madoka sighed in relief, her brother is safe until puberty.

"I need to eat what Madoka made!" Mami looked happy.

"Exactly." Sayaka confirmed.

"Like her first born son!" Mami said, Kyouko threw up in a close by pot, all this cannibalism talk heart her food loving stomach.

Madoka wasn't really afraid of that, there is plenty of time until Madoka would have a child, and even then Homura would never let Mami hurt her child (though the black haired girl would probably call him **their **child)

"Never mind, Mami-san." Sayaka gave up.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Mami asked.

"You are not negotiable." Sayaka rest her chin against her hand.

"So?"

"So I can't let you in…"

"Really, are you sure?"

"Yes, she's sure! Mami-san, go away!" Madoka yelled in a burst of bravery.

"But you'll let me in, Sayaka, right?" Kyouko, feeling better, asked, blushing.

"Yes, Miki-san. You'll sure let your completely un-extorted girlfriend Kyouko enter the house!" Mami-san said with a creepy smile, her head was turned slightly aside.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Sayaka yelled blushing.

"What do you mean by 'Un-Extorted'?" was all Kyouko asked.

"But Miki-san! She wrote a serenade for your heart!" Mami said and held Kyouko tight in her arms.

Sayaka, embarrassed, jealous and afraid, closed the window. As soon as she did so a bullet made its way through the air and left a mark on it. She almost pissed herself.

"I'm sorry to doubt you, Madoka." Sayaka said.

"That's okay, Sayaka. Let's finish our game." Madoka said, the fear for her life returned back to the same level he was the moment Mami pulled her gun on her.

**~~X~~**

So they returned to the game, it was already two one hour after Madoka entered her friend's house to not so successfully hide in there, and two hours after the pink haired problematic girl ate the cake that caused it all.

"So, I'm waiting to see your cards for an eternity now, Sayaka." Madoka tried to calm herself.

"Well, here it goes!" she put the pair of cards on the bed that was their field of play.

Madoka looked at the pair of cards on the board.

"Umm, Sayaka, you can't place that." She pointed at the cards.

Sayaka didn't listen. "Let's see, how many points is it Blue + Red?" she was looking down the score guide app on the touchscreen.

"Blue and Red are opposites, they can't create a pair."

"What?" Sayaka looked miserably disappointed.

"Sorry."

"That's not true. Red and Blue are perfect for each other!"

"Don't connect this to real life."

"It has nothing to do with real life! I'm not in love with Kyouko or something."

"I never said anything about Kyouko."

"But real life, Red + Blue, you must have!"

"No, Sayaka, you did."

"Well never mind, if they're opposite I won't use them." Sayaka tried to seem like she didn't care.

"You also can't use two oval cards, only a square and an oval." Madoka added.

"Ok, with that I have a problem!" Sayaka protested.

"There's nothing wrong with the love of two girls! And by 'girls' I mean 'ovals', and by 'love' I mean 'pair'!"

"And by 'the' you mean 'a'!" Madoka added.

"You get the point."

"Well, if so than I can use another pair I wanted to use." Madoka said and pulled two oval cards out of her hand.

"That's not fair, why you can use opposite cards but I don't?" Sayaka complained.

"They're not opposites."

"The Pink and Black are opposites, Madoka."

"No they're not. The Black and White are opposites!"

"There's not White in this game."

"Yes, there is, I have it!" Madoka said and pulled out a card.

"That's just a blank card, Madoka…" Sayaka face palmed while Madoka pondered on the blank card.

**~~X~~**

"Okay, if I can't use this pair, then I'll use this." Madoka put a special card on the field.

"With this, I can force you to throw away a card from your hand."

"Sure, whatever." said Sayaka.

"Then throw away Red Oval."

"No… I like this card…" Sayaka looked miserable again.

"Do it."

"Fine." Sayaka kissed the card before throwing it to the "Dead" pile.

"But now!" Sayaka was about to execute her revenge.

"I have the same card, Madoka. And now _you _have to throw away a card from your hand!"

"Well, which one?"

"**Black **Oval." Sayaka said meanly.

Madoka picked up the said card and looked at it.

She then listened to the silenced screaming from outside the window.

Then back to the card.

But she didn't kiss the card, she just whispered:

"_It's all your fault, Homura-Chan…_" and threw it away.

**~~X~~**

**36 Hours before Madoka Ate the Cake**

It was a late evening hour and Kyouko was ready with her plan, without Sayaka's dress of course (the only plan she had in the dress was ;Choke Madoka if she don't stop laughing;)

"Listen… Madoka was it?" the red headed girl said.

"Sir, yes, sir!" the pink girl soon to be targeted to her death replied.

"I'm not a sir." Kyouko was mad from the insult to her femininity.

"Well anyway, in order to defeat Homura and get you a contract we'll need to use Homura's biggest weakness."

"Where if you hold her from behind she can't use her Puella Magi powers effectively?"

"No, not that one. but thanks, I'll use that."

"The fact all of her attacks are based on human technology and therefore are avoidable?"

"No, not that one either."

"The fact her camera can't focus on the good parts when she is trying to hide in the toilet?"

"What? Never mind, I don't wanna know."

"So what _is _her weakness?" Madoka asked eagerly.

"Akemi Homura's biggest weakness, the thing she is defenseless against, is…"

"What?"

"Is you, Madoka. You need to use yourself in order to defeat Homura."

Madoka looked at her with awe and her pink eyes sparkled with hope.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review this, it gives me motivation to continue.<strong>


	4. Part 4

**I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica or any of its characters.**

**There is a secret Puella Magi Madoka Magica project about to be anounced soon. meanwhile you can listen to Audiotracks of Madoka saying a lot of positive one-liner like "You're not alone anymore."**

**This is the first and second halves of part 4 combined into one chapter.**

**enjoy~~~  
><strong>

Madoka's Problems

**Part 4**

**~~34.5 Hours before Madoka Ate The Cake~~**

It is a quiet early night, most people are still awake but in their homes, but the two girls with the red variety of hair colors was outside.

And now on this very hour, Kyouko's ultimate plan to Get-Madoka-Contacted-With-Kyuuby-But-Without-Homura-Interfering was about to begin.

The plan worked as such:

**1. The Damsel spends an hour chatting with the Obstacle.**

-It is important to walk in the most romantic places possible.

-The level of sexually suggestive messages The Damsel makes should be at at-least 200%

-The goal of this stage is to make The Obstacle's "Hope-I'll-Get-Laid-Tonight" feeling almost to the Max.

**2. The Damsel invites The Obstacle to her house to "hang out"**

-The Obstacle's "Hope-I'll-Get-Laid-Tonight" feeling should be at Max

("Hope-I'll-Get-Laid-Tonight" becomes "I'm-Gonna-Get-Laid-Tonight!")

-The Damsel will subtly talk about the possibility of her and The Obstacle engaging in coitus without directly saying it.

-Metaphors like "Homura-Chan, help me with my homework in female anatomy!", "Homura-Chan, we only have enough hot water for one bath!" or "Homura-Chan, wanna go downstairs?" are advised.

-The Damsel should compare The Obstacle to the rest of her friends like The Cow, The Idiot, The Girlfriend and The Genius-Sexy-Nun (Kyouko picked the codenames)

-The goal of this stage is to get the Obstacle into a confined place.

**3. The Genius-Sexy-Nun telepathically communicate with The Alien-Jerk** (again, Kyouko picked the codenames) **and tells him to get ready, but stay out of sight for the moment.**

-The Obstacle shouldn't be able to hear those.

-It is possible a few curse words would be accidently spoken by The Genius-Sexy-Nun directed towards The Alien-Jerk

**4. The Damsel makes a final sexual suggestion and then goes outside to "get ready" into "more comfortable clothes" but go to the meeting place instead.**

-The Obstacle's "Hope-I'll-Get-Laid-Tonight" feeling should reach a new level.

("I'm-Gonna-Get-Laid-Tonight!" becomes "I-Better-Get-Undressed")

**5. The Genius-Sexy-Nun locks The Obstacle inside the house while in a nude state using every mean possible.**

-Normal means include: lock the doors, windows, block bathroom drain, and "block" toilet bowl.

-Magic means include: The Genius-Sexy-Nun's barrier, The Alien-Jerk's magic barrier, and (maybe) summoning a witch.

-Physiological means include: stealing her clothes, making her believe there is a witch, and calling her names.

-The Obstacle may abuse the fact she is locked in The Damsel's room and look into the Damsel's possessions, though this would be positive for the ultimate goal as it provides distraction. Side effects: missing panties, missing gym clothes, missing everything, etc.

**6. The Alien-Jerk goes to the meeting place to meet The Damsel while The Obstacle can't stop him.**

-Any bruises or injury The Alien-Jerk may suffer from while in the meeting place is totally not The Genius-Sexy-Nun's fault.

**7. The Damsel makes a contract with The Alien-Jerk and becomes a Magical Girl.**

**8. The Damsel does whatever she needs to do with being a Magical Girl.**

**9. Everyone drink Morning Rescue.**

**10. Profit.**

**~~X~~**

"Shall we do this thing?" Kyouko asked with a satisfied smiling glare at the early night sky.

The stars shined like the hearts of the people driving and walking underneath them, the street seemed like a flow of human water running down to the end of a river and the images were way to vivid and detailed for a crack comedy FanFic.

"I don't know, are you sure this will work?" Madoka said and rubbed her fingers against each other.

"I mean, I'm not good at flirting, it would be embarrassing, plus Homura-Chan is my friend, and a girl." The last part she whispered.

"What do you suggest?"

"How about instead of the seduction, I'll just make it she couldn't use her powers?"

"And how will you do that?"

"I'll tie her to my bed!" the pinkette suggested happily and excited.

Kyouko just stared at her.

Then Madoka realized what she just said.

"Or we could go with your plan…" she said and blushed.

"Yeah. Let's"

**~~X~~**

**Stage 1**

"So Madoka, where do you wanna go tonight?" asked the blushing girl with the black hair, the unfitting atmosphere flattering her with its overly romantic light.

"The most romantic place in the world!" Madoka said and offered her hand to hold Homura's.

_"No, Damsel! You're doing it wrong! Don't tell her the plan!" _Kyouko hurried to correct the person with the worst ideas in the world.

"_I'm sorry, Kyouko, I just thought this would be also romantic, aren't I supposed to be romantic?_" Madoka telepathically apologized.

"_You're not subtle enough! And it's Genius-Sexy-Nun for you!_" It was a good thing Kyouko said that telepathically, if she said that for real, the half chewed piece of blended snacks would fall down on the ground.

And then, not only Kyouko would be left foodless; she would also drop the food on the park ground next to Homura and Madoka and would totally ruin their plan (and litter the park, unless Kyouko would make it land straight into a garbage bin or onto one of their heads, or a stranger's head)

"_Don't you think eating on top of an unsteady crane is a bit risky for your accomplishment and personal safety?_" Kyuuby whipped his tail once, standing next to her.

"This is the only building in the area tall enough to escape Akemi's 200m Incubator Radar." Kyouko said, making sure not to drop the food she was too busy to chew properly.

"_She has that, is that from another timeline and well?_"

"Nah. I think it's more like maternal instinct. Shh! Damsel's doing stuff, shut up Alien-Jerk!"

"_May I please not be named by a codename?_"

"What code name?"

**~~X~~**

Back down in the half-chewed food free park, Madoka and Homura walked deeper to the depth of the public place.

They were quiet, Madoka hadn't spoke as she listened to Kyouko's conversation, making sure not to miss any important conversation.

"_Damsel, try to be more subtle with the romance and sexual suggestive stuff._"

"_I will, Genius-Sexy-Nun!_"

"Homura-Chan, let's go to Disney World!" Madoka said happily. Kyouko face-palmed.

But Homura didn't care for the lame suggestion Madoka made.

"Madoka, you just spoke with someone through Telepathy, didn't you?" she looked upset, her private time with Madoka being interrupted by someone outside her radar.

"It was just Sayaka asking about our homework." Madoka looked apologetic, the same look she will do tomorrow when she'll find out Sayaka did ask her about their homework that night.

At first Homura didn't believe it, she kept strolling with Madoka but still was suspicious of the damsel's lie.

That it until Madoka started ramping up the sexual suggestion percentage.

"Look Homura-Chan! This leaf looks like a heart!" (90%)

"Let's make it our leaf!" (100%, normal capacity)

"Our love leaf…" (110%)

"I wanna curve Madoka + Homura on this leaf." (130%)

"Homura-Chan, hold my hands still while I do!" (140%)

"Oh no it broke! It's not a virgin anymore…"Madoka made a sad face and they both laughed. (150%)

"Don't worry, Homura-Chan! We can always share heart-shaped things." (Still 150%)

"Like a heart-shaped notebook!" (Not higher than 150% yet)

"Or a heart-shaped locker stickers in our shared locker!" (Wait for it…)

"Or a heart-shaped bed, just for the two of us!" (155%, there we go)

"Where could snuggle and hug tightly in cold nights." (160%)

"And it doesn't work, we can always get in a hot shower together, wipe our feet on the heart-shape bathroom carpet." (170%)

"And then go snuggle some more." (175%)

"What we'll be wearing after the shower?" Homura asked, hypnotized, her "Hope-I'll-Get-Laid-Tonight" were getting close to Madoka's sexual suggestion percentage.

"Don't be silly Homura-Chan, we'll be too tired to wear anything, we'll go straight to the snuggling." (177%)

"Naked." (185%)

"But won't we be cold." Homura asked.

"We won't be completely naked." (180% but don't worry, this downgrade worth it)

"We'll have other heart-shaped things on."(180%)

"Like Heart-Covered stockings…" (186%)

"Heart shaped bra…" (188%)

"Heart-shaped garter belt…" (190%)

"Heart-shaped panties to go with the garter belt…" (192%)

"Heart-Shaped wedding ring…" (199%)

"Yes, what more?" Homura was beyond hypnotized, she almost got into "I-Better-Get-Undressed" right here in the park, the only thing bugging her was that it was just hypothetical.

"And A Heart-Shaped Condom!" was Madoka's last item. (30,000,000,000,000%)

Kyouko's mental alert flashed as red as her hair.

"_Too much! Too much!_" Kyouko was worried Madoka would go too far before Homura got to her house and become the third to lose their virginity in this park after a lucky guy three years earlier and the leaf. With Homura as the fourth.

"I meant, A heart-shaped house!" Madoka corrected herself.

"Yeah, all of this in the heart-shaped house we live together in privacy!" (200%, perfect.)

Homura was a little disappointed to hear the condom part wasn't included in the final product. But she was too excited to let it turn her down.

"You know, Madoka… I have a private house, it's not heart-shaped, but I can make it if you want." Homura spoke in her normal technical tone, but hints of the deep blush she wore were apparent in her voice.

"Wanna come over?" she asked, her normal quiet tone broke from embarrassment (so adorbs)

"Actually I prefer to go my place." Madoka said, Homura looked disappointed again.

"With you." They both smiled and held hands back home, Kyouko sighed in relief.

**~~The Present~~**

"Well that all nice and good, Madoka." Sayaka said after Madoka stopped explaining **Stage 1.**

"But it doesn't explain why you have the last three letters of Akemi's name tattooed on the back of your shoulder. Misspelled, by the way."

"The Tattoo artist didn't know how to spell Homura."

"But why did you go to a tattoo artist to begin with?"

"I'll tell you in **Stage 2**."

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Please review this, it gives me motivation to continue.<strong>**


	5. Part 5

**I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica or any of its characters.**

**Disclaimer: I'm sorry for the long update time, i'm really not motivated to write when there's a giant scratch all across my laptop screen.**

**Disclaimer II: The story probably desserves an M rating now, but that'll will make it invisible to the main page of the category, so I'm leaving it T until something really juicy come along.**

* * *

><p><span>Madoka's Problems<span>

**Part 5**

**Stage 2 (33 Hours before Madoka Ate the Cake)**

Madoka had just completed **Stage 1**, she was walking slowly to her home, her left hand tightly held by Homura's right one, a hand hold that the strongest of nuclear powered giant robots couldn't break. No known force in the universe could force Homura let her hand go of the girl she spent one month and a half over and over to defend.

The pink haired naïve girl ignored the lock of feminine fingers holding her tight and smelled the sweet sense of victory as she strolled down to **Stage 2 **at her house. But then, she smelled something else. Another sweet scent has entered her nostrils, the scent of food.

"A festival!" Madoka yelled with happiness as soon as she looked to the side and saw the entry to a street decorated with a few stands.

This was actually the end of the festival which occupied that street and not the entrance. You could see that by the content of the few stands that, well, stood there.

The stands at the entrance of a festival usually sell convenient items that'll make you want to keep buying from the stands at the main part of the festival, like cheap wallets and bags, free samples of food and soft drinks.

This end part of a festival included like all festivals, the weirdest and most bizarre stands in existence.

It had foods like Octopus Ice Cream, or Spicy Popsicles on a Bamboo, or fat-free whale fat in a can.

This end-of-the-way corner had the most impossible little games imaginable to offer to the people stupid enough to exit the festival through this forsaken pass.

Like drawing on rice, or breaking metal with a hammer, or solving a jigsaw puzzle with your feet.

Or drawing a jigsaw puzzle on rice through metal with a hammer you hold with your feet.

Homura stared at the festival back entrance lit with moonlight and night lamps.

Suddenly in a second her hand holding abilities were put to the test and succeed, however her standing abilities failed and she found herself dragged to the boulevard of broken stands by her pink haired not-yet girlfriend.

**~~X~~**

_"No, Damsel! What're you doing? You're supposed to go to your house while the Obstacle is still…. Em… Cuddly."_Kyouko struggles a bit on the last few words, but her tone was very clear through the ad-free telepathic communication.

_"Don't worry." _Madoka answered, her hand feeling warm and cozy in Homura's hands as they both ran very awkwardly to the weird-shit filled street.

But Kyouko was still worried, she didn't want to let a demon-making idiot like Madoka make changes to her brilliant foolproof plan.

_"Madoka, get to your house before it's too late!" _she "yelled" on top of her brain but got no response back.

The dumb Damsel must have blocked her telepathic messages.

_"Madoka!" _she tried again, nothing.

She then heard another voice in her head. _"Your telepathic conversation has been disconnected, to continue, please insert 1 Grief Seed." _

"Nice try." The annoyed red-head looked at the alien cat who just smiled his eternal only expression.

They leaped from the building they were on to the next one and kept following the two grounded girls in their festival adventure.

**~~X~~**

"Madoka, where are we going?" Homura asked dragged, once they were in a crowd full of people, she coughed twice and then wore her normal mysterious-transfer-student expression with her normal mysterious-transfer-student voice.

"A festival!" Madoka said happily.

"I don't really like festivals…" Homura said, she had bad experience with festivals, but hopefully this one won't have an upside-down laughing cog lady.

"Ohh, come-on… think of it as…" Madoka thought a bit about Kyouko's plan and what she should do. "Think of it as our first 'date' ok?" she made sure to pronounce "date" in a way that promise nothing.

Homura didn't say anything, her face turned red and she just dragged along with no resistance, Madoka smiled with triumph and kept on.

**~~X~~**

"I'm hungry, Homura-Chan. Let's buy something to eat." Madoka said.

"I'm not really that hungry, can we eat at your house?" Homura lied, she actually was hungry, but not to food. It was a different kind of hunger. Hunger to pink meat.

"Oh, there's no food in my house." Madoka said as she glanced over the different kinds of causes for her to throw up in a nearby "food" stand.

"What do you mean, you're a family of four with a house staying parent, how can you run out of food?" Homura asked in her slightly less intimidating mysterious-transfer-student-at-McDonald tone of voice.

"We had guests." Madoka said and skipped over to another stand, not letting go (or being let go) of Homura's hand, this one offered her nine different ways to put her life at risk and win a teddy bear. "Well, **a **guest." She added.

"I had a guest over earlier this evening." Madoka opened her wallet the counted how much she had, quite a lot, but not enough for even one go at the game stand.

"You had one guest and now you're all out of food? Did you two open a soup kitchen?" Homura asked and check the risky game herself, she could easily finish the game with time stopping, even the shark part.

"Oh no, the guest just ate it all." Madoka said and walked up to the game stand.

Homura heard someone sneezing from the top of a nearby building. (somehow)

"Excuse me, why is this so expensive?" Madoka asked the bruised filled man at the counter.

"The festival comity forces me to buy insurance to every costumer so I raised up the ticket price." He said.

"I guess you don't many costumers then, which must be unfortunate." Madoka's It-too-cruel sense began to tingle.

"You'd be surprised." The man said and extracted the needed equipment for the game out of this pouch: fishing net, mint gum and three sleep pills.

"So, want to be my first costumer of the night?" he asked smiled as much as his wounds let him.

Madoka had a pity look in her eyes, she immediately took out the emergency credit card.

Homura's hand tightened around her almost-lover's hand.

_My__ first costumer… __My__ first costumer… __My__ first costumer… _the clerk's voice echoed in her head like a broken record or an obnoxious television gag that always end with the same joke of the person actually repeating the sentence in their ear.

What troubled her most in sentence was the word "My", the word "First" wasn't very pleasing to the ear as well.

_"He dares claiming Madoka his own, and lying to her about being his first. This devious man must be stopped!"_

"Madoka won't be your nothing, she's mine! And she's my first only!" Homura yelled under the blue.

The injured looking clerk just laughed (with pain), he's seen crazy over jealous bitches before in his life. So much in fact, he's considered many times opening a couple-course.

Homura got annoyed, _"Maybe I should make angry cat noises to make myself clear?"_

"That's ok, kid. If you don't have the money, I won't force you anything. "he said and returned Madoka's credit card untouched.

"Good, let's go Madoka, there's much better nonlethal food if we continue." Homura dragged Madoka deeper into the street and Madoka waved goodbye to the fine people whose products' could kill.

Not that it mattered; she'd be dead in 33 hours anyway when Mami finds out.

**~~X~~**

"Hello girl, do you want to be my costumer?"

"Hey Madoka, remember me? You were in my school in elementry!"

"Move it pink-girl, you're in my way!"

"Excuse me… you're stepping on my wallet."

The way through the main part of the festival was filled with "my"s.

And with every my Homura's rage began to rise higher and higher and boil hotter and hotter.

People are trying to steal her Madoka, to make her their own, to claim her as if Homura wasn't even there.

"Madoka…" Homura said with her mysterious-transfer-student tone, but her anger was slightly showing (like how Homura's stocking showed in the summer). She wanted to rebuke Madoka about this like she did about everything else.

"What is it, Homura-Chan?" Madoka asked sweetly and innocently, her tummy then rumbled, she was still hungry.

Homura's cute-meter rose (like how her skirt rose in the winter's wind) and she became more.. ehm… "cuddly". She decided to save the rebuking later.

"You are hungry, let's grab something to eat." She said and remained cool with pale face under the pressure of both embarrassment and anger threatening to make her blush.

"That's right, let's go to this stand, it looks tasty!" Madoka said and pulled her black haired almost-lover with her to the unknown delicious looking stand (Assuming she meant the food in the stand and not the stand itself, but you can't know for sure)

When reaching it, the stand titled Magic Chocolate Ride.

It was colored chocolate brown and was in much better shape than the stands in the bizarre area. (so maybe it was the second option)

"Hello little ladies hungry for sweets." Said the young gentlemen at the counter, behind him all kind of colorful chocolaty goods in all kind of shapes. (even naughty shapes that will make chocolate fetishists feel… ehm… "Cuddly")

"Actually she is not hungry." Madoka talked for Homura of what she thought the taller kid would say.

"I will eat something if I get to share it with yo-" Homura said but got interrupted by Madoka. "Don't worry Homura-Chan, I know you're not hungry, I won't force you to eat."

"But I-" Homura said but this time got interrupted by the clerk.

"Well then, my pink lady…" he said and already pissed off Homura.

"Would you like to be one of my loyal buyers?" He kept on.

"Or would you rather be drinking from my chocolate fountain." And on.

"Or be a full time subscriber of my shop?" and on, and on.

"Or maybe you would like to be my test subject and let me be your first-" Homura didn't let him finish this sentence. She couldn't bear it anymore.

"No she won't!" Homura yelled and tears appeared in her eyes, and she was blushing mad.

"I'm Madoka's only first! And Madoka won't be yours at all. Cause Madoka is mine, mine, **MINE!**"

"Homura-Chan, relax he's just-" this time it was Homura's turn to interrupt Madoka.

"He's just trying to steal you." Homura said, her hand clenched Madoka's tight.

"Let's go." The long haired girl said and dragged Madoka with her.

**~~X~~**

"Homura-Chan, where are going?" asked the still hungry Madoka as she was dragged down the festival street. Next to her a bunch of marchers danced the Hitomi Death Dance.

"I'm going to make sure everyone in this world will know you're my girlfriend." Homura said, she was angry but the romantic nature of her sentence made her feel… ehm… "Cuddly".

Madoka didn't want to upset the angry Homura by telling her she doesn't see her as her girlfriend per say. So she just asked "How?"

"By marking you forever with me." She said, Kyouko was close enough to hear that, and once again she worried Madoka will lose her virginity right there.

"What kind of mark?" Madoka asked shaking.

"A tattoo." Homura said and walked her in a tattoo clinic that was still open even during the festival.

"Why…" asked the slightly relieved but still alarmed Madoka.

"because that what people who date do."

"But we don't date, we 'Date', Homura-Chan…" Madoka cried slightly as Homura strong arms dragged her into the now opened clinic door despite her resistance.

"I'm sure Miki-san and Sakura-san would do a tattoo of each other…" Homura excused.

Well, even though she didn't do it at home, and it wasn't her all the time, somehow Madoka still completed all the sub-steps of **Stage 2**.

Madoka gulped and entered the store.

**~~X~~**

First she sat down while Homura talked to the tattoo artist, a masculine man who looked like a hybrid between the bizarre game clerk and the young gentleman at the chocolate shop.

Then the artist drew on her back shoulder with a black pen what Madoka was told was Homura's first name.

Then a cold liquid she was told was alcohol smeared on the drawing, and hoped it really was just alcohol (hopefully she won't have the same hope every time they tell something _isn't _alcohol as well.)

And then began one of the most painful things she ever felt. Third after falling off into the clutches of a witch for the millionth time, and at number 1 this one time when her dad bitch slapped him after she asked him why he don't work.

Homura had to excuse out of the room while it happened.

**~~X~~**

As soon as Madoka thought the pain couldn't be worse and it's gotta be over soon, the tattoo artist told her bad news.

"We are almost half way done." It's funny how the almost that she thought is gonna be positive became negative as soon as they added half-way.

Madoka wanted someone to save her.

_"Kyouko!" _she reconnected her telepathic connection with the red-head who followed her all along.

_"Genius-Sexy-Nun…" _she heard Kyouko's mad sounding voice.

_"Genius-Sexy-Nun!"_

_"What's wrong, Damsel, can't take the pain?"_ she was sarcastically un-amused that Madoka got into the festival against her plan.

_"Please help me…" _Madoka pleaded like a puppy, but being telepathically and not being able to add puppy eye (expect for the artist to see, he thought it was hilarious), the pleading wasn't very successful.

_"Sorry, Damsel… it's your fault, you'll just have to get the tattoo and go on to the rest of __**Stage 2.**__" _

_"Genius-Sexy-Ow! Please help me…"_

_"No."_

_"I'll pay you…"_

_"Nope. Suck it up."_

_"I'll give you a piece of my Puella Magi cake the Cow will make me once I'm a Magical Girl."_

_"Hmm… continue."_

_"I'll tell Sayaka- I mean the Idiot… to go out on a date with you until she agrees."_

_"Hmmm… Maybe… I don't know…"_

_"Help me, or I'll tell Sayaka you stole her dress and tried it on."_

_"Fine! Fine I'll help you!"_

_"By the way, why did you do that, you're not a cloth stealer, aren't you?"_

_"Shut up! Just accept my help and shut up!"_

A second after that the tattoo artist heard a little voice in his head that sounded just like his own voice. And that head voice reminded him to check something.

"Hey, girl…"

"Yes…?" Madoka asked, teeth shaking with pain.

"Are you 18?"

The minute he asked that a draft wind burst through the door to the waiting room and a fast running Homura flashed through the room and picked out Madoka, reforming the hand holding they had throughout the entire chapter (How romantic.)

And with it she dragged Madoka out of the store as fast as she could, taking tattoo bandaids and some painkillers and left behind some (Yakuza) money.

**~~X~~**

After a quick something to eat (from the bizarre yet safe part of the festival) and a quick walk home Homura and Madoka finally reached Madoka's front door.

Her parents were night shopping to refill the house emptied by the mysterious guest (Homura heard someone sneezing 200 M away again.)

Just before leaving the festival, however, Homura went through the "naughty" part of it and bought some toys to use on the pink meat.

Madoka, shaking with stinging pain from the tattoo and hoping Homura won't try to change it once she finds out the artist misspelled her name, used her key to open the door and the two girls got in.

This whole situation made Homura feel really lucky, really excited and really-really-really… ehm… "Cuddly"

**~~X~~**

**The Present**

"Ok, that's explains that…" Sayaka said looked outside the window, Kyouko's red long hair waving in the wind made her feel really "Cuddly" herself.

"But…" she turned to Madoka who lightly touched the still a little hurting tattoo.

"It doesn't explain how both your parents brock their legs in a 'Road Pit' **inside **your house."

"Oh…" Madoka said. "That's already in **Stage 3…**"

* * *

><p><strong>Please review, it keeps me motivated to write more. I'd reply any question you might have.<strong>

**Happy New Year!**


	6. Part 6

**I'm sorry for the really long delay, hope this chapter will make up for it.**

* * *

><p><span>Madoka's Problems<span>

**Part 6**

**Stage 3 (30 Hours before Madoka Ate the Cake)**

_"You know, it's amazing, really…" _Kyouko was jumping from roof to roof while following the pink-haired Damsel and black haired Obstacle. Her own red head was glowing in a way that made drunken drivers to thing a helicopter was after them. She was conveying her thoughts to the little ball of white fur that wasn't interested one bit.

_"What is, Sakura Ky- I mean, Genius-Sexy-Nun?"_ he asked, and in his identical monotone Kyouko could hear boredom.

_"Madoka is. She was able to change so much out of my plan, revolutionize everything in it. But in the end she ended up exactly in the same place she was before."_

_"I know, she is seemly __**God-like **__in these things."_ Kyuuby said and the red headed girl heard the distant sound of three drum strums.

"Did you hear that?" she said out loud this time. A few people down the street heard them as well. And then ask their friends the exact question.

_"Well, I guess so, kind of a weird way to put it, but you are weird."_ Kyouko answered.

_"But all I wanted to know is how does she comes up with this solutions? If she even thinks about them."_ She added.

_"I understand, for once, Genius-Sexy-Nun. Her solutions are really __**Demonic **__when you think about them."_ Kyuuby 'spoke'.

Once again she heard the sounds of drums. This sort of Ba-Dum-Tssss.

"You heard that! Right?" she said out loud again.

Kyuuby ignored.

_"What I mean to say is, this situation is foreign to me even though it is very similar to what my plan was… It's like I am in this sort of… um…"_Kyouko stuttered, her mind was drifting to other places, like eating, or Sayaka, or both.

_"like she created a whole __**Alternate-Reality.**__" _Kyuuby snapped her out of it.

For the third time, Kyouko heard loud and clear the sound of drum, two short drum beats and one long cymbal.

Kyouko was getting suspicious. She eyed the cat thingy leaping alongside her. Especially his(?) back with the red mark.

_"Hey, Alien-Jerk." _She telepathically called him. _"What is it? Human-Slut?" _he asked inoccentally. Kyouko was annoyed, but it was fair.

_"I know for a fact you can store grief seeds in there."_

_"Yeah, there's a lot of space per __**Cubed **__centimeter there, why?" _once again, drums.

_"Can you store a drum set in there?" _

_"No, but there is an internet connection. Look, here's 'Mami's theme-Instrumental' performed by a Chinese girl with two violins."_

Kyouko laughed and leaped in silence until they reached the right street.

"Stay in a 200 m radius away from the Obstacle." She whispered. And with the accompaniment of dramatic music she strolled in after the two other girls.

**~~X~~**

**Stage 4**

"Madoka, are you okay?" Homura asked as she walked inside Madoka's empty. She immediately looked around the house for the right place for her **deed**.

"My shoulder hurts." Madoka poked the misspelled tattoo of half of Homura's name on the back of her shoulder. She whimpered.

"Do you want some medicine for it?" the black haired girl asked calmly.

"No, mine usually starts in two weeks." Madoka said without thinking. Typical.

"I meant your shoulder, Madoka…" Homura face palmed. That statement was a downer.

"Yes, yes that!" Madoka realized what she said and waved her hands in clarification. A bad idea. As she moved rapidly she stretched the skin under the tattoo.

_'She can't stretch…' _Homura thought in despair.

"Sit down. Where are your painkillers?" the transferred student asked a disappointed tone. All these places and all these tools she bought at the bazaar, and Madoka is the one not ready.

"Above the fridge."

"I need to sleep. It's 4AM." Madoka gave exposition and sat down. It felt relieved, it was only a few hours since she opened the door, but it felt like three months.

Homura reached to the cabinet above the fridge not before making sure that the fridge was indeed empty under the consequences of Kyouko's visit.

Right in front were the painkillers, nose clearers, stomach calmers, sleep pills and others. In the back of the cabinet in the shade were a few more bottles labeled "Daddy's Pills", "Madoka's Pills", "Mommy's Pills" but the one that piqued the teenager most was "Mommy's & Daddy's Pills".

Her mood was back up again. She took out the painkiller for Madoka and took some of mommy's & daddy's pills into her shield.

She walked back to the living-room. Madoka lay dead tired on the sofa. If not for the soaring pain in her shoulder and some other precautions Homura put on her would've been already asleep.

Homura was holding a cup of water with the painkillers inside (but not only them). She wore the grey skirt with the white and grey shirt over it that made her Magical Girl costume.

"Homura-Chan, why are you in Magical Girl outfit." Madoka asked hazily.

"Because only in that state I can use my storage shield." She answered.

"Uh, ok."

She grabbed the water glass and with shaky hands gulped it down with the two white painkillers and the one pink _special _pill.

She finished gulping and then swallowed (just like Homura liked). Homura smiled a victorious evil smile. But then Madoka coughed.

"Homura-Chan, I can't swallow one of them." Madoka said and then spat out one of the three pills.

In the split second that happened Homura stopped time.

She stared down Madoka's cute mouth spitting out. For a second the time traveler just stared at Madoka's frozen face. Even as it was disfigured in disgust and almost choking, it was still a very cute face.

Homura went closer to look at what pill was currently making its way back to the glass.

She observed the face in details like she did on a daily basis.

"Oh, you shaved that little mustache. Good." She said out loud to no one.

But now wasn't the time to check on Madoka's out of gender facial hair.

Homura looked inside Madoka's mouth to see the pill but she couldn't see it and thus couldn't decipher its kind.

She sat down and calculated the chances.

_"There are two painkillers and one mommy's and daddy's pill. It means it's twice more probable to spit a painkiller. But since the parents pill is bigger it would be swallowed last and has more chance to get out first. But then again I lubricated the pill just so it won't happen (Though I saved some for the "suppository"). I don't know… this is hard."_

Then she realized the pill wasn't out in the glass yet. She could always gag Madoka's mouth with some towel until she swallows it.

She calculated in her mind the chances for Madoka to choke to death from the gag. It was a chance she couldn't take. She'd just have to hope for a white pill to pop out.

Time went back to normal and the mysteriously colored pill dropped into the transparent glass.

Homura shed one tear of sadness over the fun she won't have tonight as she looked at the pink pill hitting the glass with a wet thump she won't get to hear again tonight.

_"Noooooooo!"_ she cried in her head.

"Here Madoka. Try again." she poured water from her shield into the glass.

"No, it's okay. I'm already feeling better." Madoka said, yawned, closed her eyes and went to fetal position in the sofa.

"The Laws of probability be a harsh mistress." Homura muttered to herself.

"You can sleep in here too." Madoka said, Homura brightened up a bit. Her "I'm-Gonna-Get-Laid-Tonight" which has become a "No!-Another-Lonely-Night" beforehand now pulled back up to "At-Least-I-Could-Cuddle".

"The guest-room is free." Madoka added and pointed at the green door to the rather big guest-rooms.

Homura shed another tear on the notion of sleeping so close to Madoka but not having enough time to take picture before morning.

She walked quietly to the guestroom to mourn on her Sex-Life, As she walked she realized another sad thing. She isn't synchronized with Madoka's "Lady Routines". Madoka meanwhile stood up and went up the stairs to her room.

**~~X~~**

**Stage 5**

_"Ok, Genius-Sexy-Nun, do your thing."_ Madoka telepathically told Kyouko, who was waiting a safe distance away from the house, listening to the two's conversation through Madoka's ears.

"You didn't do it as we planned, Damsel." Kyouko complained.

"Yeah, I know, but now that I'm on drugs I realized something."

_"Oh, you can think more clearly when you're on drugs? That makes way too much sense."_

_"Now that my head is clear I realized I don't need to get Homu- I mean, The Obstacle to be cuddly in order for stage 5."_ Madoka spoke without stuttering.

_"Of course you do, we need to give her a reason not to escape."_

_"No we don't, all we need is to lock the room she's in, the guestroom."_ Madoka commanded.

_"No, it won't work-"_ Kyouko said and got interrupted by Madoka.

_"In fact, I think I know why you want Homura naked so badly."_

_"What?"_ Kyouko asked angrily.

"You want to take pictures of The Obstacle naked and photoshop The Idiot's head into them."

_"What? No! I don't have any computer for that!"_

_"Then you'll cut The Idiot's head on them."_

_"I don't even have a camera!"_

_"So you were planning to take mine?"_ Madoka gasped.

_"Damsel you annoy me."_

_"In fact…"_

_"No 'in fact'!"_

_"This was your plan all along. You used me to get another girl naked so you could steal my camera and edit The Idiot's head on the naked pictures!"_

Kyouko remained silent. She really didn't know how to react.

_"Maybe you don't make sense under drugs after all…"_

_"And just to let you know, Genius-Sexy-Nun, you don't have to bother yourself with all that. I could give you some of The Idiot's naked picture that you might like."_

_"You could?"_ Kyouko's face was flushed red as her hair, but Madoka couldn't see it.

_"But if you do like them I'll have to ask you to never speak to any of us again because this means you're a pedophile."_

_"Ok, enough! If all you need to do is lock the guest room. Then I'll be off!"_

_"No! I still need you, Genius-Sexy-Nun!"_

_"Fine, but in return you'll find me pictures of The Idiot naked, present ones!"_ Kyouko said, _"And why do you need me anyway?"_

_"All doors in my house are electronic. In order to lock the guestroom door without the Obstacle opening it, you'll need to shut it off from the main Lock Manager."_

_"So go to the Lock Manager and lock it yourself."_

_"But it is located on the roof."_

_"So go to the roof."_

_"I can't, after we moved in my brother and I were playing with the Lock Manager so my parents locked the door to the roof through the Lock Manager making it so we could never open it back, but since we now can't reach the roof, we can't open it now."_

_"It seems that brilliance runs in the Kaname Bloodline_." Kyouko said. _"I'm on it."_

Kyouko, still in her Magical Girl outfit, leaped onto the Kaname household roof.

She searched around for a Manager looking device until she found one.

_"Hey, Damsel, what room number is the Guest Room?"_ she telepathically said and randomly pressed a button labeled 35.

"That's a thermostat!" Madoka answered as she felt the heat rising.

_"Oh, alright. There's the Lock Manager!"_ she walked this time to the right machine and switched a button labeled "Guest Room" to Locked.

As she dropped down. She saw Akemi Homura banging on the doors and window of the Guest Room. She stared out and looked at Kyouko. She was all sweaty and her unsatisfied look was tearing through Kyouko.

_"Hey, Damsel. Is there a way she could leave this room before I run to a safe 100 Kilometer distance away?"_

_"You would have to dig a tunnel in order to get out of that room."_ Madoka said one more telepathic message and walked outside to meet Kyuuby with her contract.

**~~X~~**

**Stage 6**

_"Come on, go meet your destiny… I am 200 meters to the north of here_." Kyuuby told Madoka.

_"You can come closer, even if The Obstacle sees you she won't be able to get out and harm."_ Madoka answered.

_"That's what you think. But I prefer if you walk over here instead."_

**~~X~~**

**Stage 7**

"Kyuuby, I want to make a contract with you!" Madoka said once she reached the top of the building where Kyuuby and Kyouko stood, Kyouko was still looking frightfully on the Guest room window of the Kaname Household far below them.

_"Okay, Kaname Damsel Madoka. But let me find the right music for it."_

"No time!" Kyouko said as she spotted a grey figure far beneath them. The figure was running, and fast, unnaturally fast.

_"Hurry. Make a wish!"_ Kyuuby said.

"Alright, I wish that-" Madoka began saying, but it was too late.

All of them suddenly found themselves inside the Kaname living room, where an opening to a tunnel was in the middle. Kyouko was bound in a rope with a gag in her mouth and Kyuuby had 9 bullets bound in him. Madoka narrowed her eyes.

She was seated on the floor, unbound by anything. Above her stood a drained and very tired looking Magical Girl.

The skin around her eyes was in the color of her outfit and the veins in her eyes was the color of the outfit of the other Magical Girl in the room.

"I am very disappointed, Madoka. I thought you knew better than to underestimate me." She said, or more like recited, it seemed like she practiced this line a lot.

Madoka looked at the gaping opening to the tunnel and then at the angry exhausted looking Magical Girl.

"Homura-Chan. For how long did you have to stop time to make this tunnel?" the pinkette asked trembling.

Homura didn't say a thing, she just grabbed Madoka's hand gently and lead her up the stairs.

When they reached the hallway to Madoka's room only then she spoke.

"Tonight I'm not sleeping in the guestroom. I'm sleeping in your bed, with you. And if I weren't dead exhausted we would do other things in your bed with you."

Madoka this time remained silent. Homura walked her slowly to the bed.

As they both laid down there spooning. Homura looking at Madoka's neck, and Madoka staring at the wall in fear, Homura spoke again.

"By the way, from now on our periods are synchronized, goodnight."

**~~X~~**

**The Present**

"Then Kyouko escaped the house, and after my parents came back from shopping, they both tripped into the openings of the tunnel and broke their legs." Madoka finished her stories.

"You didn't really gave Kyouko pictures of me naked, right?" Sayaka asked a little bit afraid.

"I did. I even made a copy for you." She said and took some pictures out of the little bag she brought to Mami and fled from Mami with.

Sayaka looked at the pictures. They were of her in different situation, in all of them dressed.

"I am not naked in any of them." She looked at Madoka with sarcastic disturbence. She was glad, but somewhat disappointed that Kyouko didn't get to see her naked.

"I know. I promised The Genius-Se, I mean Kyouko, that I'll find pictures of you naked."

"But these are **not**-"

"But when I found them I was naked so technically I found pictures of you, naked."

Sayaka laughed but she stopped. She realized something weird.

"Madoka. Please don't look for my pictures while naked again. It kinda creepy."

"Alright, so what shall we do next?" Madoka asked.

"You can go out and help me." Neither of the childhood friends said that answer.

They looked around the room startled. Then a black haired girl came out of the shadows.

"Homura-Chan?" Madoka pulled back. Homura scared her almost as Mami did.

"Transferred Student, what are you doing in my room?" Sayaka shouted. "Besides, after Madoka, you were the most responsible to what happened to Madoka."

"Why after me?" Madoka asked offended and scared.

"Well, you sort off dug yourself into this one." Sayaka explained.

"It is true." Homura said with her normal mysterious tone. "It was my fault that Madoka didn't make a contract with Kyuuby two nights ago (even though it was totally justified)."

"That's right, because of that now Mami is after her!"

"Indeed. Right now Tomoe Mami is our foe. Look outside!" she said. Sayaka hesitated, but she turned to the window and looked down. Madoka followed and did the same.

Mami wasn't standing there anymore, nor did Kyouko.

"Where did they go?" Sayaka asked quietly.

Them Homura spoke softly, without looking at the window.

"Miki Sayaka, I am afraid Tomoe Mami has kidnapped your girlfriend."

**~~To Be Continued~~**

* * *

><p><strong>This is the end of the first half of Madoka's Problems. Please tune in for the wild second half!<strong>


	7. Part 7

**I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica or any of its characters.**

**Now please enjoy the beggining of the exciting Second Half of Madoka's Problems, called New World.**

* * *

><p><span>Madoka's Problems<span>

**Part 7**

**Two Hours after Madoka Ate the Cake**

The red-headed former Genius-Sexy-Nun woke up just in front an entrance door.

"You have awoken." She heard a voice talk from directly above her, but when she looked up she saw nothing but two shadowy spheres of frightening size and no face.

"Ah, it's you Mami." Kyouko muttered and tried to look at Mami's face behind her breasts.

It was both physically and mentally impossible.

"Get up, Sakura-san." The thing above the breasts spoke.

"Yes, Mami-Sensei." Kyouko gave up to old habit like she gave up on finding an apartment Kyuuby couldn't break into.

She got up quickly and looked around, first she saw Mami's breast, then her other breast. After that she saw the view of Mitakihara City (Though it was dwarfed by Mami's equipment). They were in high altitude.

She heard the sound of a door opening behind her. Mami opened the door to an apartment, it was not her own apartment, but the building seemed similar, they must have still been in the same neighborhood.

"Get in." Mami barked at her, she didn't seem happy. She mumbled something as she walked inside but Kyouko didn't listen. She was too busy staring at the back and forth movement of Mami's…

Pigtails.

**~~X~~**

"What is this place?" Kyouko asked once the hypnotic of Mami's natural pendulums wore off.

Around her was a small room with one small window and no door leading anywhere except the door they just went through. But the special thing in the room was the insane amount of posters, papers and weirdest of all, road signs, there was in there.

But all that didn't matter once Kyouko had one sniff (unlike her dark haired co-worker, one sniff was enough for Kyouko) of the thing standing on a pedestal in the middle of the small murky room.

It was food, but not just any food; it was a single slice of the most prestige cake ever crafted under Mami's breast.

A pink Puella Magi cake. It wasn't made for her, and if she knew Mami's cooking well enough, it was probably poisonous to anyone but the designated person for them it was baked. Former Damsel, Kaname Madoka, which from the burned pictures was not yet a Magical Girl, and did not deserve Mami's treat.

Kyouko knew she shouldn't eat it. But the smell, it was more hypnotizing almost as much as Mami's… pigtails.

Kyouko remembered the recipe for Puella Magi Cake includes "1 Cup of special milk". And if special milk meant what she thought it meant, then the hypnotic effect for both the cake and Mami's pendulum was rooted in the same source.

"Can I have a slice?" Kyouko asked before Mami could answer her first question.

"No, it will taint your Soul gem, in more than one way." Was the vague threat Mami gave in return.

"And about where we are…" The breast podium continued to speak, "This is a special room to fight the forces of evil, my secret weapon for the Allied Forces of Magical Girl of Justice." She said dramatically, making hyperbolic movements to emphasize the epic of her sentences and. Every word brought a new movement.

Every syllable-*bounce*,*jiggle*,*bounce*,*jiggle*,*bounce*,*jiggle*,*jiggle*,*bounce*…

"Sakura-san, you're not focused!" Mami shouted around 'fighters of magical threats everywhere'

"So, how does this secret weapon work?" Kyouko tried to save herself, she did not yet know in what mess she really was (because the candles would only show up three hours later)

"Well, thirty years ago I met a magical girl who wished people would listen to her, she was granted the ability to write signs that everyone who read must obey, as long as enough Magic is put into the sign."

"That's very interesting. Wait… thirty years ago?" Kyouko asked, she was as confused as she was that one time Sayaka decided to be boring and talk about her many conflicting emotions.

"Well, thirty Tomoe years, more like 2 normal years." Mami explained as she messed around with a pile of signs, some of which include commands not appropriate for a 15 years old girl.

"Huh?" Kyouko was still confused. "Never mind. I'll find out later." She said immediately after.

"So what do you plan to do with all those signs? What's your plan?" she asked and looked out of the small window.

"I am going to lock you in here and activate a sign that'll make sure nor you nor could Kyuuby break in or out of here." Mami chuckled evilly.

"You could do that? You can have a Kyuuby proof apartment?" Kyouko sounded excited. It took her long enough to realize.

"WAIT! What do you mean locking me up?!" Kyouko shouted, she was already in Magical Girl mode and her fabulous stretching spear was out for all to see.

Mami turned into Magical mode as well (Kyouko waited patiently until Mami's kick-ass theme music was over).

"You need to understand, Sakura-san. I must kidnap you to bring Miki-san here and through her to bring Madoka-san as well. And then kill her!" Mami laughed evilly.

"What is it with you and killing your fellow Magical Girls every time you're upset?" Kyouko had unpleasant yet blurry memories of Mami killing her fellow Magical Girls. For some reason, in those memories Homura had braids and glasses.

"I have to. SHE ATE MY CAKE WITHOUT EVEN BECOMING A-"

"Ok, let me stop you there, I don't like whiny Mami-sensei."

"Fine." Mami swallowed her tears "I have another reason to keep you here as well." Mami said.

"Like what?"

"Remember when I taught you how to use _Rosso Fantasma_?" Mami reminisced.

"Yeah…"

"And that one time when you made twelve clones but returned with only eleven? I was hiding the last clone in my room."

"So it **was **you!"

"Yes, and I was enjoying having a private Kyouko in my room very much so I would like to repeat that experience." Mami chuckled both evilly, manically and perversely.

Mami shrugged as Kyouko looked terrified. "But alas, now I have some work to do." She said as she closed the door behind her.

"You know, I can easily get out of here if I want." Kyouko said from behind the door.

"Oh really? Because you know, I already activated the sign." Mami said in her normal sweet Mami voice. And Kyouko heard the thumping noise of her pet Planets moving her shirt as she walked away.

**~~X~~**

Meanwhile, the three other girls were walking down a quiet street. Due to Saturday the street was almost emptied of people, they were all most likely at home watching crappy Magical Girl animes where the cute mascot turns out to be evil, or maybe just reading Fanfics about said anime.

The short blue-haired, sexually conflicted Magical Girl known as Sayaka was upset. She imagined her Saturday being a quiet day of failing her homework, buying crap at the mall that was stolen from Cologne, Germany. And in the time she had between those she planned to fantasize about both the Kyou's in her life. Recently the "Ko kind of Kyou" beat the "Suke kind" in every match she prepared in her head, but she was determined to keep at least the fraction of a Heterosexual image for herself.

But now she couldn't do any of that because Madoka had to come up with her annoying problems and now she had to drag along with her around town because her lover-romantic-friend-significant-other-person-thingy got kidnapped by Mami.

Not to add to the fact that in order to save Kyouko, she had to meet Kyouko, and they weren't in very good terms ever since yesterday where something else that Madoka was responsible for got them to fight.

Sayaka looked around her, she was in a part of town she didn't recognize, the only other time she was there the wall were all plastic and gummy bear inside toilet paper rolls as the Barrier Maze of a particularly disturbing witch.

"So, what's the plan?" the blunette asked.

"Ugghh, please don't talk about plans, I had enough up to here with plans already." Madoka seemed sick as she spoke.

"The plan, Miki Sayaka, is to 'Turn Madoka into a Magical Girl' before Mami catches us." Homura spoke, she was half there and half imagining Madoka in a cute Magical Girl dress so it her a while before she listened to what the other two had to say.

"But one of the reasons we're in this mess is because you **don't **want Madoka to become a Magical Girl!"

"Yes, indeed. But…" Homura took out a small wooden box out of her shield.

"Madoka, remember what we did yesterday?" Homura asked.

"Y-Yess…" Madoka seemed both terrified and glad to remember.

"We're going to use that in order to defeat Tomoe Mami and save Sakura Kyouko."

"Don't you ever get tired of using full names?" Sayaka asked.

"No, Miki Sayaka, Akemi Homura is always glad to use full names in order to protect Kaname Madoka." She said and walked forward, dragging Madoka by her wrist, rather violently too.

Sayaka sighed and followed them before she would lose them and something horrible would happen.

**~~X~~**

Back in Mami's magical apartment, Kyouko relaxed a bit under the thermostat that couldn't be confused for a Lock Manager. She looked outside, the world looked as gray and cold as Homura after she found out Madoka didn't bring a bikini when they were at the beach.

"Well, it's time to get out of here." She talked to herself.

"But first, a snack…" she reached out into one of her pockets and pulled it out as she looked up.

But then she was shocked. She trembled and twitched as she saw the magical sign Mami prepared in order to keep her inside the apartment.

She dropped the snack to the floor and cried out "Curse you, Boobies!"

The sign that was illuminated in Magical Light, the sign she was forced to follow, read:

_**"Any food from outside is prohibited"**_

* * *

><p><strong>Let's see if you can figure out how does the sign prevents Kyuuby from entering.<strong>


End file.
